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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
this is going to be a long read but i feel that the back story might be nessisary to get good advice from you guys . ok, so i got a twin brother. but we are not much alike. i see him as more of a little brother. we are 28, but our meturaty levels, and life experiance are so diferent. mentaly he is more like 21. i wnt say how old i feel like i am life exp wise. any way he has always been pamperd and catered to, and has realy never done anything for himself, or held a job for verry long. to make matters worce everything he dose he thinks he is gods gift to that profession. usualy he is actualy pritty good at what he is doing, but not 1/2 as good as he thinks he is, and his arogance anonys all around him. years ago he went to school to be a bartender. he was going to make $$$$ hand over fist, he was going to get a fully loaded BMW, own a huge home on tons of land. (acroding to him). he ended up doing that for about a year and averaging about $12 an hr. every bar he worked at quickly promoted him to head bartender, but getting rid of him only a few months after that. and his Ex wife did not like him out all hrs of the night, or that the fact that flirting (even just a little) with the girls at the bar was part of his job, and a big part of how he made his $$$. so she made him quit his last bartending job. they ended up devorced shortly after. (and although i generaly think devorce is a bad thing, it realy was the best thing to ever happen to him.) he pudderd around with stupid jobs that did not pay much after that even though i kept telling him to go back to bartending. then about two years ago came his next grand scheem. he wanted to be a Barber. he had seen the great sucsess of a few barbers he has know. the father of our child hood friend Jon, and a local barber named Dave, (bolth will come up latter in this post) bolth made verry good livings and Dave has even opended up his own barbering school localy. what my brother fails to realize that this did not happen over night for ether of them. but he mannaged to get his stuff together, move to tennissy went to school, did well, and graduated with a master barbers license, and he is actualy verry good consitering he has not been doing it verry long. but as usual (acording to him) he is gods gift to barbering. he can out cut barbers who have been doing it 40 years. he is going to make $100,000 in his first year barbering, and after that he is going to open his own barbering school and make $200,000 a year like Dave. he was going to have the BMW, the big house, a bigger nicer harley than mine, and a bigger mud truck than mine, with a bigger moter, better axles fatter tires, more horse power than mine, and he was going to kick my @$$ at the mud truck compition i compete at with my mud truck. (yes he is verry competitive with me, or atleaset he tryes to be.) he has been out of school for atleast 6 months, and has only held one barbering job, only for a short time, in a getto shop were he quit because the boss was doing lines of coke on the counter at work. i dont blame him for leaving that job. i would to, but he left so quick that he left his barbering equiptment at the shop and it got stolen. he is now living with our friend jon, and he is unemployed. jon has pleanty of $$$ left to him from his father who passed, so jon lent him enuff $$$ to get the equiptment nessisary to get a barbering job. not every piese of equiptment a barber whould ever want, but just enuff to be able to get a job. (this part may be inportand in desiding what advice you guys give me on how to deal with the predicament my bro is curently in) jon is in his 3rd year of school to become a phycologist and doing verry well at it. hes got like a 3.9 GPA. any way Dave has been helping my brother find a job, or so we thought. and we had thought the reasone my bro could not get a job was because his limmeted equiptment, his limmited experiance, the bad economy, and yes alittle about his cockyness. my nabor graduated from Daves school and knows of my bro, and we talked about it today. At first Dave was helping my bro find a job, but my brother went to Daves school to talk to Dave about a job Dave had found for him. he (my bro) ran his moulth about how good he is, sead he could out cut guys with 40 years exp, and any of Daves students. (that part i did not know about) the job disapeared we had thought for other reasons, but it was because Dave got realy mad about my bros cockyness, and told the place not to hire him. Dave has been barbering a long time, and around hear Dave is THE barber, that they all look up to. with Dave working against him he will never find a job anywere around hear. (atleast a 50 to 100 mile radious). what would you advise me to do? 1.i could keep cleaning up my bros messes behind his back, and telling him to tone down the cocky. 2. sit him down (maybee even with jon) and tell him about what i found out wile talking to my nabor, and tell him if he wants to ever find a job around hear he needs ot go apologyse to Dave and loose the cocky all together. 3.again sit him down and tell him he needs to pack up, hit the road to another state were Dave has no pull with the local barbers, and humble himself till he realy is that good. ( the pluss of this would be that he could not mooch on all around him, forcing him fend for himself. but this could also back fire and put him on the streets sence he has never taken care of himself.) 4. go behind his back, talk to jon and see what he thinks, given his educational backround, and the fact that we have known him sence the therd grade. 5. any ideas you guys might have. sorry again for the long read, i just dont know what to do.
 

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hunt NH, I'm no professional, but let me pass on something in my life that no one should have to go through. My brother and I fought like devils growing up. I was 4 years older and kicked his butt more than I should have. Later in life I got him hunting/fishing with our dad in PA and Canada. We did this every year until 2000 when he shot himself at the the age of 43. No one in my family knew he was depressed or that life wasn't pretty good for him. I wish I could go back and talk him out of what he did but being a mere mortal I can't. Family is the most important thing in life and I think that's what's you're are grappling with here. I think I would try to talk to him give him the truth and help him as best you can. I didn't get that oppertunity with my brother and to this day I think I could have saved him. That's why I say give it your best effort it's your brother and that's what's most important. Maybe you and he will get over this hurdle and he finds a good job sooner than you think. You don't have to carry him for the rest of your life just don't look back and think you could have done better. Just my thoughts. Best of luck no matter what you decide! HM
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks for the input. i kind of know that just cleaning up his mess for him wont help him in the long run. i just dont know how this can be fixed. in trades your reputation is everything, and now he has a big black mark on his rep, and a very powerfull person mad at him. not to mention he thinks this guy is giving him great recomendations so he keeps droping the name, and when the call dave they get to hear what a cocky arogent fool he is.
 

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there's something to the saying some people have to hit rock bottom before they can climb back out. Sometimes all they need is a ladder handed to them. There's plenty of time to get things right he just needs some maturity and responsibility. If he's gonna talk the talk he'd better be able to walk the walk. Moving slightly away wouldn't be the worst thing in life if it resulted in him getting a job.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
well i talked to him, told him what i had been told. and that i would go talk to dave in a privet setting, and tell him that he had heard thought the grape vine that dave was mad at him, ask him if it was true, and if so apologize to him, and ask him if there is anything he could do to make it up to him. the responce i got from him was that he had showed up two of daves students at the school, and that he thinks that its just one of them talking smack, but that he means to get to the bottom of it.
 

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you can be a helpful brother without doing everything for him. Sounds like this is a maturing problem. Obviously, you are the mature brother and he is acting immature. Always help your brother out in anyway you can, unless it's drug related, I don't agree with enabling a person to continue drugs or alcohol b/c that's NOT HELP. But being a twin, you are the closest person to him period. You can talk to him like no one else can. Don't yell or act better than him, just point him in the right direction. Use your mature behavior to help him grow into a man.
 

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you my friend are in a tough spot. I do agree with HM about family being the most important part life and you should do what you can to keep your brother a part of it.As for his cockiness and immaturity he needs to swim in the big pond with the sharks alone and be bitten by a few of the big ones. In a nutshell he needs some of the hard knocks others have mentioned to help him grow and realize his mistakes.
 
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