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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
post em up boys.


hears a good one.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the:
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Code named: "BUBBA"

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no bag limit.
3. They taste like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They're directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
Applications available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.
 

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Where do I sign? You also said they dont like college football either right? And these are the same folks that would gladly hurt my kids simply for the fact that they are Americans. Jus call me Bubba and load the truck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
this was one of the few jokes i have thats not going to get me told lay off the political stuff.
 

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My wife likse this one..

Speaking of the pentagon,

They were looking for a new super secret spy, so they posted the job, took aplications. interviewed, tested, and finaly got it narrowed down to two men and a woman,
They called them all in one at a time.
First guy comes in they hand him a gun and say "we need to make sure you're totally commited, your wife is in the next room. You need to shoot her" He hands the gun back, and say's I'm not interested. and walks out.
Second guy comes in and is topld the same thing. He takes the gun, walks into the next room, and a couple minutes later comes back crying, says I just can't do it, and leaves.
The woman comes in they hand her the gun tell her they need to make sure she's totally commited, and that she needs to shoot her husband in the next room. she grabs the gun walks into the next room and starts fireing before the door is even closed. It's quiet for a minute, and then they hear furniture breaking, and a huge scuffle.
A minute later she comes out dripping sweat, and out of breath. they ask her what happened, and she says "Darn gun was full of blanks, had to beat him to death with the chair."
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
A bear, a lion and a pig meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers with fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Pig says: "Big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet sh*ts itself
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women


#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the
road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let
you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
 
G

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its a free woods

a squirrel is sitting on a low limb making a deuce when a bear walks up.
the bear asks "can i join you" as this looked to be a good place to make a poop.
the squirrel says "its a free woods, go ahead".
"Thanks" says the bear.
so they are almost done and the bear asks "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
the squirrel says "no" thinking this a bit personal.
then the bear says "good" and picks the squirrel up and wipes himself.
 

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do you know the front from the back of a tree?

a redneck from georgia decides to travel across the south to virginia to see god's country. When he gets to franklin , he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job!!!!

he walks into the international paper company office and fills out an application as an experienced log inspector. It's his lucky day!!! They just happen to be looking for someone, but first, the log foreman
takes him for a ride into the
forest in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.

the foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree "see that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."

the redneck promptly answers, "that thar's a whitepine, 383 board feet of lumber in 'er."

the foreman is impressed!!! He puts the truck in motion and stops about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.

"that's a loblolly pine
and she's got about 456 clear board feet."

the foreman is really impressed with the good ol' boy, he has been quick and got the answers right without using a calculator!!!!

one more test. They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman stops again.. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window and says, "and what about that one?"

before the foreman finishes pointing, the redneck says, "white oak, 242 board feet at best."

the foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little ticked off because he thinks the red neck is smarter than he is. As they near the office, another foreman stops the truck and asks bubba to step outside.

he hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "see that tree over there?" "i want you to mark an x on the front of that tree!!"

the foreman thinks to himself, "idiot, how would he know which is the front of the tree?"

when bubba reaches the tree, he goes around
it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white x on the trunk.

he walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "that thar's the front," the redneck says.

the foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "how in the
do you know that's the front of the tree?"


the good ol' boy looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, "cuz somebody took a
behind it!"


he got the job.
 

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It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
 

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And then there was the story about the guy wanting to try his hand at hunting mule deer. He had bagged some white tail deer before, but mule deer was something new and exciting so off he went out into the woods.

Later on, he was stopped by one of the game wardens to check what was in the back of his truck. The hunter proudly showed off the mule deer that he'd shot earlier in the day.

"He was certainly a handful tryin' t' get him into the back of the truck," the hunter exclaimed. "I knew that mule deer could get quite big, but that one just gotta be some sort of record."

The game warden looked in the back of the truck and couldn't believe what was lying there. He started to chuckle as he reached for his ticket book.

About that time the hunter proudly asked, "And what do you think of them shiny shoes on him?"
 
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