If Deer Huntung Ruled The World - Deer Hunting Forums
The Lodge Meet other hunters and share hunting stories, tips, and tricks.

Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2008, 08:59 PM Thread Starter
B&C 180 Class
joel the signman's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 3,608
If Deer Huntung Ruled The World

1. The entire month of November would be a paid religious holiday.

2. You could go to a fast-food restaurant and order a McBackstrap sandwich with extra garlic and fries.

3. Men with big butts would be renowned for their “outside spread.”

4. Taxidermy would be a required course in elementary schools.

5. Golfers would have to leave the links at once if you spotted a good deer on the course and wanted to stalk it.

6. Failure to do so would result in the golf course’s being converted to an 18-hole food plot. The sand traps would be turned into mineral licks.

7. Guys who hunted your stand without permission would do a mandatory seven to 10 years.

8. You would be fined by the police if you were stopped and found not to be in possession of a weapon.

9. After one week, reports of violent crime would cease altogether.

10. All jackets would come with a built-in safety harness and hand-warmer pockets, even tuxedos.

11. There wouldn’t be any tuxedos.

12. The government would announce a “race for the cure” and throw billions of dollars into research to eradicate buck fever.

13. Your wife would complain that you’re spending too much time around the house and tell you to “drop that paintbrush and get your sorry BLEEP out to the stand.”

14. At parties, a tending grunt would be considered a sophisticated way of showing interest in a member of the opposite sex.

15. Gas stations would have attendants that approached from the downwind side to fill your gas tank, then spray and clean your windshield with Scent Killer.

16. Women placing singles ads would state their times in the 1-mile deadweight drag, 150-pound division.

17. All vehicles would come with bloodproof seat covers standard.

18Game wardens could not come within 300 yards of you unless you signaled that it was okay.

19. A warden’s first words would be “If this isn’t a convenient time, sir, I’d be happy to come back later.”

20. Convenience stores would stock shells, broadheads, and blackpowder accessories in little bowls by the doughnut case.

21. If you showed up at a fancy restaurant in full camo and reeking of doe urine, you’d immediately be shown to the best table in the house.

22. Bars would have “sparring areas” where you could put on an antler helmet and go head-to-head with other hunters to let off steam.

23. A chewing tobacco would be developed that, when mixed with human saliva, turns into a powerful deer attractant.

24. The dollar bill would feature a picture of the Hanson buck.

25. Landowners would come around to your house and beg you to hunt their property.

26. If you gave your wife or girlfriend a scoped .30/06 on her birthday, your anniversary, or Valentine’s Day, she’d say, “Honey, you’re the best!”

27. The State of the Union address would be given by a deer biologist telling you the best places to hunt.

28. “I just felt like they were gonna be moving this morning” would be an acceptable excuse for why you were late to work.

29. Each day’s weather report would start with wind direction and velocity, barometric pressure, and times for the beginning and end of legal light.

30. Reality TV shows would feature six people turned loose during the rut in an extremely rural area with a sharpened stone and a grunt call. First one to bring in a 150-class deer wins $1 million

Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison.
Genesis 27:3 "The thinking deer hunter should mature through three phases during his hunting life. First phase, "I need to kill a deer." Second phase, I want to harvest a nice deer. And last phase, we must manage this resource so our children and their children can experience the grand tradition of good deer hunting." - Jim Slinsky
joel the signman is offline  
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2008, 09:03 PM
Posts: n/a
thats funny.
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-01-2008, 01:02 PM
B&C 160 Class
Buckshot's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 1,220
Buckshot is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-02-2008, 10:39 AM
Scrub Buck
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 27
Funny stuff. I like the first one the most though.
jay.robinson15 is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Deer Hunting Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome