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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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jokes

post em up boys.


hears a good one.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the:
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Code named: "BUBBA"

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no bag limit.
3. They taste like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They're directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.
Applications available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 01:58 PM
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Where do I sign? You also said they dont like college football either right? And these are the same folks that would gladly hurt my kids simply for the fact that they are Americans. Jus call me Bubba and load the truck!
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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this was one of the few jokes i have thats not going to get me told lay off the political stuff.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 03:40 PM
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Pretty good, I liked it!
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-06-2009, 12:31 AM
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chuck nores can clogg your toilet with his pee

chase your dreams... not the competition
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-14-2009, 09:42 PM
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My wife likse this one..

Speaking of the pentagon,

They were looking for a new super secret spy, so they posted the job, took aplications. interviewed, tested, and finaly got it narrowed down to two men and a woman,
They called them all in one at a time.
First guy comes in they hand him a gun and say "we need to make sure you're totally commited, your wife is in the next room. You need to shoot her" He hands the gun back, and say's I'm not interested. and walks out.
Second guy comes in and is topld the same thing. He takes the gun, walks into the next room, and a couple minutes later comes back crying, says I just can't do it, and leaves.
The woman comes in they hand her the gun tell her they need to make sure she's totally commited, and that she needs to shoot her husband in the next room. she grabs the gun walks into the next room and starts fireing before the door is even closed. It's quiet for a minute, and then they hear furniture breaking, and a huge scuffle.
A minute later she comes out dripping sweat, and out of breath. they ask her what happened, and she says "Darn gun was full of blanks, had to beat him to death with the chair."

Last edited by timberghost; 11-15-2009 at 05:21 PM.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-14-2009, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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so true.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-16-2009, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
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A bear, a lion and a pig meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers with fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Pig says: "Big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet sh*ts itself
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2009, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women


#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the
road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let
you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2009, 05:22 PM
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its a free woods

a squirrel is sitting on a low limb making a deuce when a bear walks up.
the bear asks "can i join you" as this looked to be a good place to make a poop.
the squirrel says "its a free woods, go ahead".
"Thanks" says the bear.
so they are almost done and the bear asks "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
the squirrel says "no" thinking this a bit personal.
then the bear says "good" and picks the squirrel up and wipes himself.
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